he sunrays worked as a silent wake up alarm. "Oho, Why didn't I draw the curtains before sleeping!" I could hear some chirpy birds and humans outside engaged in loud morning twittering. I squinted at the bathroom door with romantic longing, wishing for my favourite morning space to walk up to me in my bed. But, with no chance for that to happen, I forced myself to sleep-crawl till there. Only to be shaken fully awake by unending loud choking noises from the adjacent window. A few seconds later it seemed the man was trying to vomit and was probably sick in the stomach. The next minute the noise changed to blowing cyclones through the nose. Any normal person would be in a state of horrifying shock. So was I, the first time it went through my ears. The next ten times you might just puke (No comments on what happened to me exactly). And then comes the state of perpetual disgust where you would like to hurl fart bombs or burp bombs or any other lethal weapon in return, but you don't for a fear of even a more life shattering attack in return. Being a regular victim of the unrelentless torture by my neighour's disgusting morning orchestra, I prefer to safeguard my long term sanity. So, I ignored and continued my bathroom business and stepped out to get some breakfast.
Just as luck would have it, I received my usual morning greetings- "Didi you're back..good! There is no harpic to clean the commode, also the garbage bin bags are over AND my pagaar hasn't been paid yet..it's one day over the salary date!". For anyone who has returned from a lovely vacation of pampering and luxury, the cacophony of the old neighbour brushing his teeth in the most putting off manner and the shrieky complaints of the house keeper is the most jolting 'welcome home' announcement. The world away from the holiday bubble of room services and housekeeping gets corrupted only due to these sole reasons. Arghh. I wish, I could sound proof my neighbours bathroom. Does he have sound amplifiers or something in the sink!? I can't comprehend where does he find such scarring sounds within him? Imagine if he enjoys such horror evoking violence while cleaning his mouth and intestine interiors, what would happen if he ever gets into a fight on the road. He would probably put them to death by using only his bathroom antics. Ewwww. I should seriously stop now.
BakkBro aka Lil'B rose from his sleep and grinned, "Welcome back sister"! Little brother seemed ecstatic to have me home:) I think more so to have some one to open the door early morning for the maid and the newspaper guy. I kind of do understand these delights. It might sound trivial, but the extra sleep it allows one, becomes the biggest strike of the day. As a child, I remember I would not move a muscle when the door bell rang and opening the door was the least attractive duty on the planet. How story changes when adulthood hits. Sigh.
I quickly gave him the highlights of the Goa trip as he had to get ready to leave for the office. While I kept yapping without punctuation, the remains of bro's previous night's social wanderings in the room were distracting me. You see, he is quite the social animal. Suddenly this animal glanced at the clock and sprinted to the bathroom, to probably take the second of his tri-weekly shower. Clearly, today was an auspicious day. And he was ready in exact four minutes thereafter.
To be able to see someone get ready especially this quick in the morning is a process of enlightenment. Derived from such practical knowledge is my theory on a breed of what I call the winter season water conservationists. Junior bro pioneers that. It was so uncanny, that very moment I received a forwarded message: " I love winter fashion..who knows if you're wearing the same boxers you wore in the bed last night; who knows if you're wearing a bra underneath; who knows if you've showered the last two days". I remember, during my childhood some kids would lie about taking a shower by opening the shower knob for a minute for sound effect and stand a feet away from the water (for extra hearing powers of the parents). This too every alternate day, so you can do your calculations now. This has been some or the other person's secret story all throughout my school life. But that was primarily to avoid getting frozen under the shower. Though it changed once I grew up and started living in this not so wintery city. But how does this water saving funda really apply to anyone in this no-cold winter season of Mumbai? I leave 'bring the change' wave to politics. Because at home it simply costs me my voice and the 'cool sister' tag.
Speaking of winter, four days later it was Christmas. And I have always loved the season vibe back in Delhi during this holiday season. I enjoyed drowning into oversized sweaters and warm boots, but here in the maximum city, I have made peace with full sleeve tees instead, in December.
Sitting at a cafe close to home, writing this article as I was reminiscing the North winters, a bloke wearing a thick black leather jacket walked in. I stared in amazement at his fashion commitment where even with sweat beads running down his forehead he didn't flinch while ordering for a hot cappuccino. A friend who had stopped by to say a quick hello nudged me right then to stop making bubbles with my straw. Only then did I realise I was sipping on an almost empty glass of the very yummy Kiwi Mint ice cooler, looking at that guy. I have another funda for these kinds. I believe they have their personal meteorological department within, which tells them the outside weather forecast on the basis of the outfit of the day in their closet. I don't mean to sound icky all the time, but have you ever had to sit next to someone like this who would not take his jacket off and continue sweating in litres. The high street brands need to seriously start putting a disclaimer on the jacket tags: Wearing leather jackets above the temperature of 18 degree celsius can prove hazardous to the noses in your immediate environment.
Back home, I was subjected to the extremities of another breed. Don't know how many people you guys know of who rigidly refuse to change into night suits to sleep in and happily retire to bed in their day clothes every single night. I know one (ahem ahem..easy to guess by now who am talking about) and I seriously can't bear to know anymore. I believe, we ought to have a domestic and public conduct code, which if anyone violates will pay for, by standing next to my neighbour for a month while he brushes. Heh.
On another note I must confess, no matter what, it is the best feeling to be home sweet home:)